Ever since I bought Michael Ruhlman and Brian Polcyn’s and started flipping through it I knew that some point I would have to make my own hot dogs. So imagine how pumped I was when this month’s Charcutepalooza was announced and it was all about blending meats which means… hot dogs!
The Apprentice Challenge this month was to make either Bratwurst or Weisswurst and the Charcuterie Challenge was to make either hot dogs or Mortadella. I decided to skip the Apprentice Challenge and moved right to the Charcuterie Challenge. I seriously considered making both hot dogs AND Mortadella (I love Mortadella) but I wasn’t feeling ambitious enough to go on the hunt for Mortadella fixins.
I knew from the jump that hot dog-making would be no joke. Sure, the ingredients were easy enough to find (the meat is simply short ribs) and you don’t need any odd casings – but it’s the technique, goodness the technique! The process starts off innocently enough by grinding the meat as per usual. Then you mix the meat with your spices and pink salt and let it sit for a day or so. Still easy. Then everything goes into a food processor to emulsify the mixture which basically means turning it into meat paste. This is where things get a bit sticky… literally.
I suppose the downfall is mine. The stars were not aligned this Sunday evening. I started this endeavour way too late in the evening figuring it would be a nice therapeutic Sunday activity. Wrong. I also made the mistake of assuming that stuffing hot dogs would work just like stuffing Italian sausages which wasn’t too bad and didn’t read through the recipe. My bad.
So I pulled out the KitchenAid, threw on the sausage stuffer attachment and went to town. About the same time as I set this up I read some of the notes in book where Ruhlman mentions that the KitchenAid isn’t ideal for using with emulsified meats. CRAP! Instead he recos using a pastry bag and piping directly into the casing. This was my first course of action.
Have you ever filled a pastry bag with meat paste and attempted to stuff it into intestines? It must be a different circle of hell. Of course the meat was barely coming out of the tip but had no problems coming out the top. Meat paste was going EVERYWHERE. Since this technique wasn’t working I figured how bad could using the KitchenAid be? To be honest, it worked for a while and I was on a roll making me some hot dogs. Then it got to a point where I just couldn’t feed the meat down the shoot. I was pushing and pushing but it just wouldn’t go down. At this point meat paste is getting everywhere! On my clothes, all over the counter, under my nails, all over the cabinets… EVERYWHERE.
I still had a significant amount of meat left to stuff. At this point I stopped caring about the meat needing to be super cold and just wanted to get meat into casings. So… I went back to the pastry bag technique and was able to squeak out a few more hot dogs. In the end I had about 7 hot dogs.
The work doesn’t stop there! Hot dogs apparently have to be smoked so I had to fashion me a wok-smoker at about 11PM on a Sunday night. Once the hot dogs are smoked they have to be plunged into an ice bath. HOLY.
As I said, hot dog making is no joke.
The results in the end were good. Actually, they were pretty delicious but I can’t justify the effort required to make them. The hot dogs were perfectly spiced with good bite and were totally like “real” hot dogs. I was kind of amazed although a bit disappointed that I didn’t have to source hoofs, ears, eyelashes and all the other goodness that people say is in hot dogs.
I’m definitely glad that I made my own hot dogs but given that I still feel like I’m picking out bits of meat paste from random places, I won’t do it again!
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I think this was the post that just really pushed this vegetarian over the edge. OMG, Tonya, the CARNAGE that must go down in your kitchen!!! I’m just going to have to be more selective in which of your blog posts I click from now on!
I hear you sister! Tasted amazing but so much effort and if you aren’t quick enough the mix goes all gummy and then you have to put it back in the freezer and wait in your meat coated kitchen for an hour or so… Really glas I learned this technique but not one I will be incorporating into my everyday repertoire!
I love this blog! You are HI-LARIOUS! Sorry the process was such a pain but I’m glad the hot dogs were good. Now I know what to cross off my “things to try this summer instead of rearranging my closet”
Thanks for the compliment! Yes, I’m not recommended hotdog-making to ANYONE!
Thank you so much for this post! I loved reading it! I have on more than one occasion shot ground pork across my kitchen while trying to stuff sausage so I can’t imagine what trying to make a hot dog would be like (until now). Maybe someday I will be brave enough to conquer it and enjoying a home made dog, but I do wonder sometimes if its all worth it.
PS. I am so glad to hear I am not the only one who would be excited at the opportunity to make hot dogs!